Sunday, October 28, 2007 . 11:48 PM

Spent the whole saturday at home rotting.. alternating between staring at the comp.. to staring at hp.. den stare at ds.. and all over again.. stare til i got so tired.. =/. and getting abt cranky and moody.. its madness when a NSF has to spend one day of his precious weekend doing this.. saturday sommore!!

but anyway.. spent the whole day outside wif aggie,hen,ber,nette,ming.. celebrate hen's bdae.. fun day.. plenty of craps.. i would say just like old times.. but.. not reali like old times ler bahs.. =/

as usual i only start reflecting on things, once i turn away from aggie at her flat, once i'm alone.. its been 1.5weeks since dat 2hr midnite chat we had.. i duno wats the update on her side wif regards to the fact dat she said she'll think abt it, but ultimately i noe we cant do much due to the 2 facts, one is i'm on course these 2weeks, and she wants to concentrate on her job.. i kinda hope on wed when i go back to my unit den i can pei her more after work, if she allows me to.. kinda think dat dis is de time whr we can do n prove more if needed bahs.. between me n her we'll noe.. its according to wat i mentioned to her on msn.. hope she can rem =x..

de 'devil' in me is telling me to giv up on this kinda pple, telling me my efforts not worth it.. but nah.. again n again i realize.. my feelings prevailed.. i just love her too much le.. so f*** off 'devil'.. you've made me do alot of stupid things dat caused this in the first place.. it will not happen anymore le!! zzz.. paiseh sounds very drama this part.. but its true.. =/

i may not be brave enuff to do certain things,or creative enuff to surprise her wif an original creation or anything, but i believe she's not blind, and as much as she saw my mistakes, i hope she can see wat's written in my heart.. i'll at least do everything i can, and the rest.. well.. leave it to cupid? or fate? or a little bitsy of luck? *shrugs ler..* .. nw go lalaland n hopefully i dun get that nightmare again.. T_T

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 . 11:32 PM

The power of love - still wanting to be with the person no matter how much he or she has hurt u..

i've heard of this b4.. i'm sure plenty of us have too.. a friend mentioned this to me.. and den i think to myself.. so this is how it feels.. =/.. the feeling of love.. =.= the feeling of being hurt.. yet still longing for that person.. though it clashes with another saying that goes "he/she who is worth it wont hurt u".. but i suppose that one is very subjective.. i mean.. we're all humans.. there's bound to be some hurting here n there once in awhile.. dats human error.. no one is perfect..

sorry.. crapping too much le..

fri's reserved for me.. wow? but sat so fast got plan le.. not dat i'm jumping to conclusions but i suppose i hav afew names in my mind abt that.. haha. but no worries no worries. i've changed. wont bother abt that even if we were tgt.

my course's exam is tml.. practical exam... shyttt man... wish me all de best.. =/

Tuesday, October 23, 2007 . 9:59 PM

havent been blogging much since that weekend.. where since then alot of truths about both of us, and wat happened, and our views are finally.. finally.. said out.. too many things changing, and not to mention always tired.. dats y seldom blog.. nth significant to blog abt oso.. and i no camera phone to camwh0re n upload stuff oso.. =/.. and i hav actually received a comment which i totally dun believe? lol.. me yandao? lol?? riiiight...

just decided to blog nw coz.. again i had a bad dream last nite.. my prev bad dreams have all come true.. i dont want this to come true.. pls.. i beg of u up there.. =/..

and also.. to add on.. was sad upon hearing the news abt baby's ex-colleague.. long time ago de.. AIA.. haiz.. why do such nice people hav to be taken away.. when pple like me.. not so nice.. wont mind being taken away but i'm still here o.o".. this world is so 'fair' sometimes. but anyway. God bless this guy, may he find greater happiness and meaning wherever he is now.

most prob playing lan wif ber on friday nite.. and hen's bdae on sunday.. i suggested suki sushi coz all very long nvr go eat there le =D.. oh and friday's another special day .. a special occasion only 1 other person will know.

Friday, October 12, 2007 . 2:59 AM

i blew my top.. =/

not that i'm feeling really guilty or anything.. but i realli flared up at afew frens during a msn conference just coz they didnt catch onto wat i was saying when i already made it very systematic n clear le.. not to mention i hate last minute things oso..

i guess its a sign.. i realli been taking in alot of things.. and absorbing.. and absorbing.. and absorbing.. now i got no method to release le as bugis got so many fucking v4.. so many pple.. i used to enjoy it when drum v2 was in a corner.. i can just go whack n release stress in peace.. but no more.. =/

i nw just hope saturday will b gd.. duno how gd is my gd.. duno wat kind of 'gd' do i want.. the old times 'gd'.. or move on 'gd'.. argh.. cant even think..

Tuesday, October 09, 2007 . 10:48 PM

powderful day.. =/

my right side still hurting til now.. worse den my left side coz that time it subsided on the day itself.. but anyway its still normal compared to wisdom tooth operations in general.. in fact it was abit less jialat den what i expected.. my upper right was easy.. just pluck out.. but my lower right. ouch.. kena drill.. nd split tooth in half.. and after the op they lemme keep my tooth.. i see reali got decay sia..

in a wider point of view, glad this crap tooth is out of my life, as with other things.. a sign of a fresh beginning =)..

and as i expected.. though i'm freaking tired.. i couldnt slp when i reach home.. not until 6pm.. i bth.. fren ask me go rest so i did.. and it felt good.. woke up around 10.. continue drinking my milk.. very xin ku.. reali cant eat anything.. so sorry to my dad who prepared porridge =/.. swallowing tablets for 2dae oso abit hard sia.. coz when swallow my tongue will hit tio the wound.. pain.. and duno y i got more tablets den the prev time.. 2 painkillers, 1anti-bio, and 3 other tablets.. F4.. had to break the panadol into half.. its DAT bad man.. =/

ber.. rem our agreement hor! =) when shall i go over? LOL.
overslept.. i guess i'm just too mentally tired recently.. realli washed out this time.. lucky still not that bad.. gonna try chiong down asap..

operating on my right side 2dae.. its gonna be more painful,mayb abit longer den 2weeks ago.. though its a diff kinda pain from what i'm already goin thru, but i guess its still nth compared to it..

anyway.. thx for the sms..

Monday, October 08, 2007 . 5:54 AM

Oh well. This post is after last nite's. One thing i nvr told u. I always hav ways of finding things out. And i know some things about how u address rH le. And its not 'friend'. So with respect to what u say about 'different' feelings. This is what? Dont give excuses. Like i said, how different can it be such that it can change my judgement about u? Kindly explain.

I noticed u still put me as Sotong baby in ur msn when u copied paste smth. I thought u did that because i had hope. I noticed one period of time u and him not linked in friendster. But now add back le. Hmm?

But i trust my own eyes. Wont say what i saw. Some other things i know as well. Wont say it out too. There's no point. Guess to me, my hope is shattered. I started delp, caused u to noe him, and now ur goin wif him, or at least is on the way to going. You're even worse den denise in this aspect. You've changed. Not just the past few mths, but ever since i went in NS. Search your 'liang xin'. Thats the only thing i can tell u to do with yourself now le.

Goodbye. For good.

Add-on: Ironically, today is the exact 2yr6mth anniversary from the 1st day we're together.

Sunday, October 07, 2007 . 9:37 AM

woo. just back from lan..

left home around 6.30.. went to meet jun darlings at tm for dinner.. she last minute wanna tag along wif me n ber for movie.. so ok lo haha.. heng she nvr puke =X.. finish movie about 11 den jun go home le so i n ber go to lan ler..

watched Resident Evil 3.. its such a dead movie.. *get the joke*? zombies.. undead.. dead.. ok cold joke.. lack of slp is lidat.. xD.. seriously, its a nice movie.. nx on my list is BALLS OF FURY... woooooooooots... see trailer already luff.. movie suree mouth cramp.. haha..

lan was not bad lahs. though just me n ber buddy but quite fun. yet quite dulan. coz bayus we nvr complete due to i kena a fucking lame bug which i cant control my hero. den obviously it died la -.-..

sehhhss.. wisdom tooth operation in 2days.. ok this one i REALLY scared le.. coz is my problem tooth now.. but at least i noe wat to expect le bahs.. again 1week mc ler.. starting to fill up my schedule coz i surely STILL CAN GO OUT!! haha.. any one wanna book me? =D =D =D

Saturday, October 06, 2007 . 2:16 PM

i duno hw to blog or even recount wats been happening.. all messy.. yet somehw the path for everyone seems clearer due to some turn of events.. anyway i called to enquire abt my overseas posting le.. i wont make it for the NOV one.. most prob i'll only be going at FEB nx year.. the charbo there oso said i still on the primary list.. so once i settle all my admin stuff.. they sure will eyeball me n send me off asap lers.. so i still hav many mths to enjoy sg =).. and other things..

feeling kinda stone now.. but its a common feeling which i've grown to get used to over the past yr or so.. wont reali proceed to wonder why some things cant b said or why some things nd to be hidden.. i'll just go out n hav fun wif my butty..

fun.. its created or destroyed by urself.. i've learnt that recently.. which is true.. if u cant hav fun u'd probably nd to think wat went wrong, especially if it was supposed to be fun but last minute ruined.. very general statements but very true if applied correctly..

add-on for someone u know who u are:

dun always expect pple to read ur mind dats all i can say. be it a friend or a loved one. sometimes u nd to be more precise n specific. i dun think i'm tellin u this 1st time oso. and i reali dun care anymore if u hate me or wad for saying all these but its for ur own good dats all. its for the sake of preventing misunderstandings and preventing last minute and unnessary clashes. u know very well wat u sent in ur sms coz u still can repeat it to me. but u also left out a point that u mentioned ur cramps might still be jialat so u'll confirm everything wif me again, and NOT BECAUSE u might hav other plans and nd to confirm whether free to meet me for the day anot.

repeated point: dont expect pple to read ur mind. and dont scold people if they keep guessing, coz u nvr told them anything hence they hav to guess.. things would be alot simpler from the start if u just open ur mouth and giv a answer, or explain urself directly.

u ruined your own day seriously. i still hav my fun plans later at nite.other den that.. nth more to say le.

Monday, October 01, 2007 . 7:40 PM

heh.. managed to get time off for the whole of tomorrow.. actuali i bluff abit la.. but as usual.. the reason for it is still for her.. so dat i can meet her on time after her work..

went out last friday and saturday.. the only two days i went out in my whole week of mc lol.. but i guess it was still a very good two days.. =D.. went the new fba wif ber,jun,brandon,lod on sat nite.. because initially we went IRC@peninsular plaza.. and the bloody building POWER TRIP!$@#%@%@%@%.. got heng til lidat bo..

became a member there for $1.. and the rates are pretty cheap lehs.. $1.60 per hour.. i mean.. dats the cheapest i've played for a looooooooooong time.. 7hrs oli cost us $11.20.. cheaper den nite pack (although nw no more such thing) =x..

2molo goin out wif aggie lers.. i duno but something, somehow, someway, i feel i shld try again.. any-o-how.. i'll still b happy.. =)
argh. had a bad dream. but why? argh.. stop doin this to me god.. pls..