Saturday, November 06, 2004 . 3:30 PM

Dedicated to Denise.. Hope you'll listen to de song..

ON MY WAY - Cyndi Wang Xin Ling

作词：陈静楠　作曲：Jae

走过跟你走过的街 难过感伤一些
有些事无法感谢 我终于了解

是我把爱弄得太完美 多完美还是会枯萎
你最后那一句再见 才让我学会 怎么放爱去飞

擦干了眼泪　我不要安慰
日子会过去才对　都是黑咖啡
苦得让我今晚不能入睡

不想活在重播的情节　你知道我想着谁
虽然梦想难免被现实打碎　On My Way

我在美丽的世界　回头对你说　Good-Bye

擦干了眼泪　我不要安慰
日子会过去才对　都是黑咖啡
苦得让我今晚不能入睡

不想活在重播的情节　不再跟自己责备
换来伤悲　天亮天黑　On My Way

Almost 12hrs after the incident.. (read previous post)..

went out to meet tianming and afew other friends.. coz i noe i'll realli realli get suicidal if i stay at home.. literally.. not joking.. so luckily tianming already had a plan.. ask mi tag along lorz.. quite alot of times almost couldnt control tears.. but i did control anyway in de end..

met the other guys at century.. saw the drum machine.. and i thought of her le.. somehow its linked.. wont go too much into detail but in my mind i still can visualize her beside me watching me play.. den i play her fav. songs.. sigh.. stood outside arcade.. again thought of her.. coz that was the very first spot on the very first day we met.. i can still remember we stood there chatting for a long time.. like.. 2-3hrs mayb? around there..

there'll be alot of other things too.. walking past the comics shop.. or even kinokuniya.. going up to the bugis theatre.. plaza singapura.. heeren.. cck.. takashimaya.. far east.. that whole orchard stretch.. and alot more..

i'll still be wearing the ring which i bought for both her and me.. i really hope she'll still continue to wear hers.. but i guess thats no longer under my control.. i'll just be hoping.. and also hoping she'll be happy.. with or without me.. life goes on.. but i guess its harder for me..

actualli.. i'm not at home.. friend's hse.. not goin back home.. for nw..

Friday, November 05, 2004 . 4:58 PM

Its friday.. 5th november.. 5.10pm.. just finished a msn conversation wif.. hw to address her nw.. ok.. Denise.. and.. yes we're no longer together.. The end wif this relationship le.. I'm gonna type everything out as fast as possible before i break down.. Coz surprisingly thru out the whole msn conversation i was relatively stable in moods.. nw my eyes starting to get wet le..

i'm supposed to eat.. but i totally totally do not hav any appetite.. in my nightmare i already knew what i'm gonna be like if this day had come.. seems that now i'm re-living my nightmare.. i dont feel like going out at all already.. but i feel like going out and whack car or something..

this blog came about cuz of her.. some of my passwords are her name.. too many things/valuables/situations in my mind.. goin thru nw.. and no more new ones to replace them or to add on.. what she says is right.. i'm bad.. i'm anti-social.. and afew others.. she apparently forgot i'm not sociable coz i hav low self-confidence.. i wished for her to help mi get it up.. but.. anyway this is definitely not the time to put blames on each other.. ITS THE END ALREADY..FUCK IT.. sorry not scoldin her.. just a way to release tension.. oops cant control them tears.. rolling down le.. =(

the things we did.. those things we said we wanted to do.. those things i had in mind to do in the near future.. all.. gone.. had a plan for her bdae.. might not wanna do it anymore.. not that i bo sim.. the plan is IF we're still together.. haiz.. i so looked forward to 1yr.. everyday i go to sch feeling happy.. just that feeling of existance.. existing as someone's bf.. just makes u feel light.. WHY cant i control my friggin temper.. rayner.. your words were so true.. "never fa pi qi in front of ger"..

i dont noe wat to do nw.. i mean.. i cant eat.. i dun wanna go out.. no mood to surf net.. no mood to play game.. and i'm crying like shit.. so what if i'm a fucking guy.. CANT I CRY?! tmd.. i got nothing more to type.. theres tooooo many things le.. until i just wanna 4get it..

Denise.. thx for the happy memories.. thx for the bdae present.. thx for the wonderful bdae u planned for me.. thx for the shirt.. keychain.. thx for all u've done for me.. i dont think u hav anything to thank me.. coz as u said.. i'm that bad.. i dont think i gave u sweet memories.. sorry.. u were my most treasured gf.. and longest.. and afew other "firsts" for u.. u noe it in ur heart i dun wanna say le.. i noe i'll never get over this.. trust me.. i noe.. goodbye "laopo".. sobz..

Thursday, November 04, 2004 . 5:40 PM

Just felt like posting.. feel very moody.. and for the past 2wks or so.. very very unstable.. i suppose the victims of my unstability are those closer friends of mine.. sorry to all.. i jux cant help it.. i cant pinpoint what i'm feeling nw also.. i guess time will sort things out.. nw abit nth to do.. waitin for char to regen life.. which is abt 2-3mins oli actualli lols..

dis morning went for my java sup paper le.. well.. lets put it this way.. no matter how it turns out.. i hope it'll be the last time i see that java teacher in de lab environment.. but heh.. no worries.. i personally hav a relative amount of confidence on passing the paper.. wont go into detail.. but i'll just make myself happy by telling myself its over.. and nw its one burden off my shoulders again..

shld be finding some pple to go out soon.. dont know if i can get laopo to go out wif me though.. well.. time will tell.. short post for 2dae.. time to go back to maple..

Wednesday, November 03, 2004 . 1:48 AM

Did some studying today.. Gonna do alot more tomorrow.. It'll be the last day i have before the paper on thurs.. Darn its in the morning some more.. Spent a little time out wif mei and alex.. Came home early too.. around 9.. Ate dinner, slacked, abit of maple and here i am blogging.. This post could hav been 15lines longer.. But i type and delete over and over again.. I dont feel gd.. And its not an illness that a medical doctor can cure.. Its deep in my heart.. Deep in my mind.. I know it'll be cured soon.. perhaps after sup paper maybe.. And maybe then i can sort things out.. If not i'll have to prolly retreat back to the old beach spot..

Oh-kay..I dont think i can type much more..My cursor is beginning to idle alot..