Wednesday, December 29, 2004 . 10:08 PM

Haiz.. Sad.. Dont worry i'm not hurt.. Sad i think of course will ba.. I dont know if i can try again, but i'll hope that i can.. sometime.. someday.. mayb it will come, mayb it wont.. But anyway.. dont worry.. Life goes on XD

Sucky day 2dae.. some bad things happened.. and now i'm stressed.. omg.. fark fark fark.. this time i SUPER SERIOUS.. GOD pleaaaassseeee.. bless us.. pleassseee... ARGH...

Monday, December 27, 2004 . 3:12 PM

Sianz.. Another fucked up day.. I want to look at the bright side.. But there's no bright side.. Whole day nicely planned out.. End up.. This cancel.. that cancel.. Went to report lost for my matric card.. found out nd police report oso.. -.-" but like i said, there's nth bright to look forward 2dae.. died twice in maple.. coz of some fucking lag, and coz the keyboard just suddenly no response.. Didnt hear pleasant things somewhere.. bah..

Heart giv up le.. I think i throw away de letters le.. no point.. fated not to giv u.. wan tok to u on phone.. fated those few days u no mood.. found a gd day to pass it to u.. all i needed was 30secs more.. den kena separated.. Fate's giving me strong hints.. and i'm beginning to understand them.. i shld just forget everything..

Sunday, December 26, 2004 . 3:16 AM

Wa.. Today ar.. Beri simple day.. wake up around 12+ but prev nite slept arn 4+am 5am lidat.. Couldnt slp much coz abit troubled.. Haiz.. Den played maple the whole day lor.. Ger 2dae up 2 lvls wor.. from 35 to 37.. XD.. Den just now went to visit MushMom~~ Didnt take pics while fighting.. coz too gan jiong le.. Scarey one leh.. But ger died twice.. and Ber died once.. i didnt die.. coz heng heng i bo lag.. they got lag thats why die.. Fight mom twice den go slp le..



Hehe.. Our new pic.. Sui bo?? Snowboards rox~.. XD


Rayner and me, twins, duel wif holy arrow?


And dis.. Ish when poor ger died.. oopsies we didnt cry.. lol..

Saturday, December 25, 2004 . 3:50 AM

Bah.. I'm bloody fucked up now.. Dulan.. Xmas celebration was ok.. Steamboat was gd.. Sabo coconut was gd.. Everything else sucked.. I planned something, but i didnt manage to achieve it.. I lost my wallet (most prob in the crowd)..

I'm never fucking gonna go orchard anymore for ANY countdown.. NEVER.. KNNBCCB.. My wallet contained so many memories.. All the neoprints.. My DM cards.. My Unique GameStation card(Those who've seen mine b4 will noe why unique).. ARGH!!! GOD WHY MUST YOU MAKE MY LIFE LIKE THAT.. I'VE SUFFERED ENUFF FROM THIS FCKING FINANCIAL PROB.. YOU WAN MAKE IT WORSE.. NBCB .!. YOU!!! I OWE FRENZ MORE THAN $400 IN TOTAL AND YOU STILL WANNA MAKE ME LOSE MORE.. WATS FUCKING WRONG WIF U.. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 24, 2004 . 3:13 PM

it just hurts when u haven tok finish and den pple interrupt u..

later going out for xmas celebration.. i'm not gonna hav fun.. i'm not gonna be happy.. my 6th sense tells me so.. although its right most of the time, i hope for once its wrong.. but de day will pass.. wats inevitable wil be inevitable.. and 2molo we'll see how things goes..

Wednesday, December 22, 2004 . 11:03 PM

I dont know why.. But my heart is feeling pain now.. Dont tell me not to think so much.. Dont tell me dun be sad.. Not coz i dont appreciate it.. But because this cannot be healed by external factors, Only I can heal myself, but its gonna be hard..

Walked home with ah boon jux nw.. 3/4 of de journey i was quiet.. dead quiet.. thinking of the two shocks which left me dissapointed,sad,hurt,pain at Dec2003.. I'm thinking will another such shock happen to me at Dec2004.. If its wat it seems, then i've been thru such thing b4.. I can handle it, but how i'll react is something inevitable.. How i'll change suddenly is inevitable..

Suddenly out of nowhere.. I just happened to look at the sky while walking home jux now.. And i saw a beautiful clear sky.. with many stars.. Yes 2nite's a clear sky.. At least during the time i walked home =`(.. Saw the stars.. And wtf i duno why my eyes become watery.. Really *choke* almost cried.. But I nvr cry in public.. So that was it.. Just watery eyes.. nth more..

I ate 3 dinners today.. yes THREE.. one in sch pei fren.. one wif ber,aggie,ahboon,kenny.. and now one more at home.. Haiz.. Wasted $4 on some stupid beef noodle soup.. I ALWAYS buy DRY.. I HATE soup.. But i happened to be the FIRST in line when the gravy finish.. meaning if that guy in front of me had NOT ordered 2 bowls of dry beef noodle.. I can still have MY dry beef noodle.. I went that food court coz i so long nvr go.. WHY MUST FATE TREAT ME LIKE THAT.. $4 IS ALOT TO ME NOW U NOE.. Ya i noe i could hav just ordered something else.. BUT I WAS NX ON LINE.. And if no gravy, obviously everything else is soup liao ma.. ARGH.. talkin abt it make mi pissed.. And its already that bad that my heart feeling pain le.. + dulan.. = SUICIDAL..

I dont know if i'm gonna be in a good mood for xmas.. I dont know if i even have $$ to spend for the xmas outing wif frenz.. Aggie ask jux nw whether wan share $ buy prezzie for ber.. I cant believe i said "no".. "why?".. "no $".. sorry ber.. sorry aggie.. Santa wont giv me prezzie dis xmas.. coz i'm so bad.. =(

I keep thinkin of Tianming now.. Wish him a speedy recovery.. Wish he'll get well soon, even if not for xmas.. well for new year can ba.. Another thing is i think of him coz he's my source of strength now.. my source of inspiration.. inspiration to move on.. strength to carry myself up and continue my path.. Haiz..

Sorry to all.. i have split personality i think.. in front of you all.. in public.. i luff.. i joke.. i lame arn.. though i hav moments of 'isolation' but i'll still be happy like nth wrong.. but its just that i dont want to be the 'spoiler' so thats why once i'm alone.. i start to be sad.. think of stuff.. scold myself.. realize that life's not fair.. sorry to aggie.. u keep saying everytime i angry or sad u always kena.. its just coz i wish to let u noe if i'm feeling down or wat.. not that i wanna scold u or use you to vent anger.. sorry if u think i'm treating u that way.. but there's a reason hidden deep inside for everything that i do.. not just this but other stuff as well.. but anyways i think it wont happen anymore.. so dont worry..

Gonna go bath now.. at least in there if i'm crying its all water anyway..
was going to sleep..but i this is quite important.. sleep not that important..

special post for aggie: i read ur blog.. sorry to hear the disheartening news.. but.. erm.. be strong ok? i noe u can do it.. u keep saying ur weak,stupid,sillie blahblah, but you're not ok.. if u want to go out and hang around relax or somethin call me out k? i'll try my best to entertain u and also b ur listener if u wan to tok to some1 (though u nvr reali toked to me in that aspect b4 lol) jkjk.. hope u'll hav a gd sleep.. sweet dreamz..

Tuesday, December 21, 2004 . 11:09 PM

Hrmm.. see ger & huixian keep posting maple pics.. time i put some myself.. and since nw xmas patch.. more reason to put.. wahah.. even my mei oso got upload one maple pic to blog b4.. Now my turn try try.. sorry if loading long hor.. =P


Taken at the very last snowman(forgot de name) - 1st Tree


lolx.. notice somethin weird abt xiaoger ma??


Erm.. nice ma our nicks? lols..


Eat full nth to do.. Display my stuff XD


The wonderful scenery of a Holy & Fire Arrow mage firing their arrows.. Hmm.


Wahaha.. Perfect pic of my holy arrow.. Nice ma?? XD

Monday, December 20, 2004 . 8:51 PM

OMFG.. maple patch again.. worse dis time no warning one.. nb.. just nice i going to start chionging for lvl up le den dc me.. $#%^#$%.. kaoz.. i plan 2nite must at least lvl44.. arghs.. waste my blardi time..

actuali ish i dun realli mind.. wahaha.. coz still got other stuff to do.. but wah lau eh!!! why patch!!! xian wanted to send mi somethin de.. wa lau!!! now new patch... xian i tink no nd send le.. WA LAU.. tink i now try touch up blog ba.. *busy*

Roflmao.. this is a new record.. totally changed my blog in 1hr30mins.. XD..

duno y suddenly felt like changing.. lols i told aggie i lazy to look thru blogskins de.. but once i look thru i jitao hoot liao.. so jux nw while searchin for blogskins.. didnt come across any nice ones at all.. den it hit me.. why not find my own pic and use it for the blog.. meaning i would just have to find a blog wif a relatively nice layout and a place to put pic can le.. den just nice came across dis template.. actuali oso quite nice by itself le.. and the pic wasnt this blue xmas tree.. it was a cat.. and the overall color was more pinkish.. in short: dis template was more for a girl den a boy.. coz it even had those pictures of lipgloss etc.. anyways.. yes it was a new record.. but i'm not totally satisfied yet.. tink i'll play around wif it as usual for like 1-2hrs for the nx few days.. touch it up..

oh yea.. and new song too.. XD.. actualli its same song as andrew's blog.. but its a nice song!! thats all it matters haha.. guys leave some comments on dis okies?? luv u all.. =P

Saturday, December 18, 2004 . 3:25 PM

Hrm.. aggie called me jux nw.. lols didnt noe she was working.. den she left home arn 10+ when she working at 10am.. .. omg.. rofl sia.. great employee of the year award.. XD.. *hides from g3r* hmm no wonder saw her in msn still when i woke up arn that time.. den suddenly not in msn.. wonderin why not in maple oso.. anyways.. later duno wan go out anot.. see got any low-budget plans anot.. if not den i'll choose the lowest-budget plan by default.. which is: STAY HOME! =x

Some bytch in maple keep pwning de area last nite.. i already let her hav the major spawn spot le.. she still wan go up and down the tree dungeon clear everything.. knn.. buay zi dong.. already damn pissed le.. tink those online that time oso noe.. den its obvious when someone is not in gd mood, cannot irritate further.. den aggie ask mi repeat question.. ask where am i.. when i replied earlier le.. not de first time she nvr see wat i say.. very sad lor.. machiam my words invisible.. she say she at ant tunnel fighting so cannot see clearly.. she tot i pissed at her.. let her think that way ba.. why must it be when i not feeling gd, some other person gets dulan back at me, den i always end up sayin sorry.. mayb its coz of some internal feelings i hav thats why i'm xtra sad now.. but i think i'll wash my hands of that matter..

jux nw in maple. wake up earlier abit to continue hunting zombie lupin.. den woot!! finally found the moonlight which i was hunting for.. first thought is to giv it to aggie le.. sms her told her gd news.. but she like not much gratitude lidat.. just one word thanks.. if u angry at me, k lohz.. sigh..

Thursday, December 16, 2004 . 11:42 PM

haiz.. i though i'd be feeling gd since the weekend is getting near.. but again something made my spirits go down.. its not coz of anyone.. its just the fact that i get sad when the people around me are not happy.. and jux nw i heard g3r not in gd mood.. so i sad lor.. i whispered her in maple telling her i duno wat happen but if she needed to talk to someone, i'll always be around.. told her to slp earli and get a gd rest so that she'll wake up feeling better in the morning.. was worried abt her.. lol den died twice in maple.. back to 0.00% le.. but heng just lvled.. so i lost about 7% overall i tink.. den i log off le.. but who noes.. duno how long later.. den she msn me.. told me she found her midi.. happy for u g3r.. wat i said is tru rite? patience and u'll find it =) ..n me oso realized she didnt see wat i whispered her in maple..

which is kinda -____-".. coz its just like saying alot of nice things and stuff.. only to get a "sorry didnt hear u.. repeat pls?" that kinda situation.. i mean.. u'll kinda get a weird feeling saying the same stuff again.. although to the person he/she hears it the first time.. but ur saying it the 2nd time.. lost the sincerity le.. thats why i always dun like repeating.. not coz i hate it when the person didnt receive my words.. but because i personally dont feel that sincerity when i repeat the same words again.. dun get me wrong if u're reading dis g3r.. i underline that sentence coz thats the main point, and only reason of why i didnt repeat.. it has nth to do wif any external reasons.. its just me. sorry. oh and the reason how come i can 'repeat' those words in dis post, is coz i'm just posting what happened 2dae, nth more..

mayb to all who's reading, that may hav sounded weird.. but thats my feelings , my beliefs.. bottom line: thats me. hmm.. writing alot of weird stuff. but i'm just letting my fingers carry on.. they are the brain nw.. and my brain is the fingers.. no wait.. my fingers are the fingers.. but my brain is.. ah wateva.. LOL..

ah but anyways.. g3r i tink most impt is dat at least u noe wat i said le.. haha.. and these few days u always not feeling gd due to one thing or another.. dun lidat le okay.. er.. mi nth more to say le.. i go slp le.. gd nitez all..

Wednesday, December 08, 2004 . 12:40 AM

2posts combine.. sorry was lazy to update last wk heh..

dis part is for last friday.. Friday 3rd December :

nua whole day at home.. coz prev nite kenny,henry,aggie at my hse.. but henry left around 5.30.. and kenny slept on my sofa outside.. too comfortable i guess? heh.. and aggie slept on my bed.. coz she was all feverish suddenly when watching vcd halfway.. make her take panadol even though she say she'll get very sleepy after taking it.. but i not taking chances.. sorry guys if my hse wasnt exactly 'nice' to ton.. i somehow get that feeling =/ duno y.. 9+pm went to mit ber.. den together go down bugis mit de rest.. such a coincidence teck,nut,kenny ho,yongbin,foong oso got go down.. their regular d2 gathering haha.. anyways spent de whole nite mapling.. and one person on my mind once in awhile.. no not her.. *koks anyone who is thinkin of who i mean by 'her'*.. but ming.. coz he was supposed to be wif us.. but his condition.. bad.. if not we'll hav some gd wc3 fun le.. sorry to ber oso.. coz it was kinda wasted for her.. to pay $12 bucks and play maple whole nite when she can do it at home for free.. basically that was it that day.. after 8am.. left FBA.. had breakfast.. den all go home le.. *snorez*..

*note to aggie: there's this part on my bolster that STILL has ur perfume!!! i'm not serious and its confirm!! coz u breath in normally.. and there's dis part suddenly its confirm ur smell de.. lol~~!~~* me boliaoz =P

now for 2dae.. Tuesday 7th December

as usual had some lessons.. nua at cyber cen playing maple.. after it closed at 6.. i called her.. she told me some updated news about our friend in hospital.. i wont say it here but.. its not gd.. i'm prayin very hard now.. ARGH.. anyway de call was meant to ask how's she doing, but duno y ended up i had this idea to watch movie.. mayb jux coz i wanted to see her.. had a slight change of mood when she mentioned some other stuff, i hid it, but i tink she knew.. is that gd or bad i duno.. so being as it is.. i rush over to TM check out timings.. fark 1 de.. all 7.05.. 7.10.. 7.20.. den 9+.. 9pm onwards definitely out.. so bad news.. hav to settle wif 7+ de.. looked arn.. latest timing was shutter 7.20.. she said choose that one lor.. i said ok without thought.. but kenny had not arrived to mit her yet.. and it was already 6.30,6.35 lidat.. i had this gut feeling not gonna make it.. coz they still nd eat.. mrt down.. walk to tm..

declaration part : 1) those who noe me long long le.. noe i dun like last minute things.. even if last minute.. i dont like to rush things especially in those kinda tight timings.. given a chance i'm sure no one likes it too.. and will postpone it if possible rite? and for 2dae.. it was a last minute decision by me sommore.. postponing it could still be alright.. but i'll get to that part later.. 2) again.. those who noe me long.. noes that i do not watch horror clips at all and the reason why. but when she said shutter 7.20, i just said ok without consideration.. why? *shrug*.. perhaps realli wanted to see her.. perhaps didnt wanna go home.. *shrug*.. anyway it was a sacrifice i chose to make.. which i havent since.. since.. either a long time ago or never at all, to the best of my memory.. (just seperating this paragraph for nicer arrangement of details)

so.. i waited.. 7.13 i sms her ask her where are they.. she called back.. said they were at mrt.. i was "pls say its tamp mrt" but no, they just reached eunos mrt.. doing some simple calculations, i tink we all noe that its not gd le.. and considering i didnt wanna rush rush.. i decided not to watch.. i noe i totaly didnt consider their effort to chiong down, but main reason, rushing is already abit irritating.. and furthermore, i didnt wanna rush to see a show that i wouldnt wanna watch at all in normal situations.. i duno but i felt heart pain when i made that decision.. like.. didnt get to see her.. certain motives didnt get to do.. its so hard to describe.. but.. nvm.. walk home very fast.. most prob is coz feeling all those mixed emotions.. suddenly reach home le seems fast..

u say u duno hw u are feeling, i oso.. i duno if i'm sad, disappointed, angry at myself, or angry at fate.. i dont blame u coz i noe u tried ur best to chiong down, i blame myself for suggesting a movie at that time,i blame myself for not making that negative decision once i saw the timings.. would hav saved alot of trouble if i immediately cancelled it on the spot.. i was realli crying inside me while walking home, after that call which u made awhile later.. coz thinkin abt ming oso.. and thinkin abt some matters in the past similar to this.. i duno when u'll see dis, most prob on wednesday night, but if u're angry at me, i nth to say, coz i'm guilty.. even if u're not angry somehow, i'm still sorry. sorry i made u chiong ur meal, nvr do ur OT, instead of having a relaxing time and den go home.. u hav a right to be angry at me.. yes i read ur blog before posting in mine.. i guess 2dae i'm de main reason that made u feel down.. tink i'll try that mia thingy u always do.. ya i noe i always tell u its a toopid ting to do.. sigh.. i duno wat to type le.. as usual, alot of tings stil kept inside, not the right time to say..

promise me u'll wont fake that happiness ok.. all of us are sad inside, but its how u move on that matters.. dont keep raking about the past.. because it is the PAST like u said.. i noe its hard, but no one said it was gonna be ez..

nth is eternal, everything fades, life is everchanging.. thats so true..

Friday, December 03, 2004 . 6:40 AM

Well, well.. Finally got myself to post something here.. Sorry to all of you guys who have been visiting here to get fresh scoops of my life.. Been noticing the visitor count increase lol.. Good news and bad news though; Good news = I'm finally posting something, Bad news = I wont be typing much..

Well.. I dont think i'm gonna do a backtrack of my life since the prev post.. 2 main reasons.. 1) Just cant remember wat i did exactly, 2) For those that know, gd. For those that dont know, well,it wont be that much of a difference also.

Okay.. My comp was spoilt.. Since the 10th of november til 28th.. Dates are totally exact coz there were certain other important dates near them.. So i can remember.. So now, I've basically lost everything i had in my comp.. ARGH.. *sigh.. BUT.. O well.. Its a sign, a sign that tells me to move on.. a sign that tells me to change my lifestyle, change alot of things, and to accept what has changed too.. as life is everchanging, a sign that tells me to be rid of things taking up space, but at the same time to treasure whatever nice moments they brought. I'll be more then welcome to accept ANY mp3s you guys can send, from the oldies to the new songs, classical to techno, slow to fast, ANYthing at all :)

Hmm, Ok.. I'll blog about one day.. Which is Wednesday 1st dec.. Aggie's parents went for their holiday le.. So yeah of course she's damn happy.. total freedom without parents for 3 days.. Amen to that yea? So on wed.. Henry,Jeanette,Kenny,Belinda,Aggie & me went to sentosa.. Huixian overslept abit so she tried to come later, but she overslept on the way here.. Backtrack only to oversleep again and end up back in tamp.. So she didnt join us at all.. Poor xian.. =/ Tianming couldnt join us too also.. Aww.. He would have been a gd person to look after our stuff while we all go swim around.. LOL!!! *hides from ming if he sees dis*

Overall it was a fun day for everyone.. But some sadness was there too.. Kenny lost his necklace.. I lost my ez-link card which i JUST topped-up, AND I got a freakin painful stomachache.. Grrr.. Oh.. And we all got tanned.. DUHHH.

As for today, Thursday, nua-ed at Kenny's hse, coz from Wed night me,henry,aggie ton at his house. Left his house around 5+, went to do some stuff, and we all parted with the same purpose, to go home and bath and rest awhile before commencing with the nx plan, which is to ton at my house, lol. Kenny went to mit his frenz, and he,aggie,henry arrived around midnight.. Yes yes.. 12midnight.. Wasnt a typo.. Haha.. So now i'm bloggin coz i basically got nth to do.. Kenny's sleeping on my sofa outside in my living room, Henry just left around 6, and Aggie's sleeping on my bed.. She's kinda fever-ish before she slept.. Force her take panadol earlier.. Hope the rest will do her gd.. Friday's the last day, and supposedly the most hiong nite of the 3.. coz the plan is to ton at FBA lan shop play overnite, so wouldn't want her to be sick.. Well.. Even after Friday i STILL wouldn't want her to be sick..

Okays.. Typed a little lot here.. XD.. I'm gonna update my html.. Den go to sleep.. Gdnitez all.. Hope u all had fun reading? O.o