Monday, February 28, 2005 . 11:25 PM

2dae ar.. abit heng for a monday bahz.. coz i was nuaing in bed in morning.. thinkin of not goin to sch.. coz go oso do nth.. den wan rest more coz afternn going out.. but in de end i went.. coz i rem got quiz.. and on that same point.. i didnt study for the quiz coz 4got abt it.. omg.. but ended up. took the quiz. teacher mark le. i passed.. 50/100 just nice -___-".. oh well.. betta den getting 5/100 rite..

after dat.. lesson ended arn 1pm.. just nice bahz.. didnt nd to nua at cyber center.. i just went there.. anyhow login one pc.. msn awhile.. den go off le.. take 23 to xh's hse.. mit her at her hse downstairs.. den decided to go off to far east for our first stop.. coz she wanted to eat de fried rice there.. so we did.. but too bad i didnt try the ABC soup.. heard that its nice.. but me no try b4.. oh well.. if fated i'll hav the chance to try it someday..

after dat.. did quite abit of window shopping.. den we walked out of far east.. and i noticed the weather not so gd.. ribb0npiggie scold me for not bringin my sky blue umbrella out.. den as soon as she said.. rain le.. -.-" both of us mouth too zhun le.. loLs~.. izit mo qi.. hmm.. i was abt to think where to gai. but the rain limited my choices alot. so ended up we walk underpass to taka.. den gaigai there.. saw alot of soft toys. and miscellaneous stuff.. walk abit.. fool around abit.. see musical box.. anyhow turn turn.. see soft toy.. anyhow hug & smell and pinch and blahblah.. loLs~!~.. after dat went to ps le.. though rain stopped le.. but too nua liaoz.. so take mrt there.. reach there.. i wanted to show her de beautiful dolphin jigsaw puzzle.. at de store beside de food court.. its realli very nice.. want to share it wif her.. but duno is sold out le or they change stock.. now like 85% or 90% of de store all walt disney.. winnie the pooh.. ARGHS!!!.. so sad and disappointed.. ARGHSSSS.. den we go up de arcade le.. i consecutively played 4 games of DM.. and nvr rest much inbetween songs oso.. fa xie again.. recently abit ahem.. stress..

after dat she wan show me the game that xian used to fa xie .. so went down to the ZoneX at mrt station there.. den we were watching some guys play DDR.. hehe. well its nice to see new players learning the game.. not bad they played Max300 standard.. its a start.. *jiayou to them bahz*.. but my name is STILL first in nonstop ranking for paranoia brothers.. Lt.Mafo~~~(if u duno wat it stands for, too bad.. its inside joke.. i selfish dowan spread leh.. lalala..XP) *oops sorry cant resist saying that abt the nonstop thingy*.. bwahah..

and all along while we were watching.. i didnt notice alex and nic were behind us for quite awhile.. watching us.. eto -.-" we oso din do anything wat!!. tmd. di siao siao. kukunathan.. wont say much abt that.. dey ask mi wan go park lane play some games of DM6th.. so i ask her.. den ok den all go lorz.. so went there play afew games.. den ate at de food court below.. den sent her home le.. timing more or less gd bahz.. can fit in all de plans.. even de last minute ones.. and she din reach home too late.. *phew*..

i might not blog much these 2 weeks.. unless i feel the urge to do so.. but if i do feel the urge.. lets hope its a happy urge.. not a stress urge.. or a sad urge.. *gonez*
omgs.. 36 frens online in msn.. thats not counting all the miscellaneous frens.. 36 all gd frens.. definitly not the most.. but its been quite a long time since i seen this number.. too bad i cant chat wif all of dem.. coz i'm goin slp le.. =/.. arbo 2nite can just be a msn nite.. no nd play game oso got gd entertainment XD..

been reading thru some blog archives.. and lots of thoughts came thru my mind.. thoughts about life generally.. we've all been thru hard times, hurting situations, heated situations, scarey situations.. but we're all here in one piece.. and i can definitely say we're stronger than before.. because history and experience is what shapes us to what we are now.. no matter how much u wish to relive your happy moments,how much u wish certain things didnt happen,how much u regretted certain things.. one must realize that noone, and nothing, is perfect.. sweet memories will b accompanied by bitter ones no matter how hard u try to avoid it.. no matter how hard it is to pull yourself up straight and carry walking on the path of life.. it is definitely possible..

the one factor that can definitely be relied upon.. is Time. but that doesnt mean we just sit back and let time pass.. each person has to do his/her own part.. to ensure his/her own happiness.. to ensure that the memories will not be forgotted,yet at the same time make sure not to bind too much feelings to the memories as it'll cause emotional unstability.. rite? i think my point is there.. of course, we all have the fear of doing something wrongly, we all have the fear of failure, rejection.. but then again, one must not let that fear hold u back from doing what you believe, or what you feel is right.. because how would you know whether something will turn out right or wrong when nth is done at all? you may have the grudge.. you may have the "sixth sense".. but facts will be facts.. as long as you dont try.. you'll nvr know the outcome.. and if unfortunately the outcome is bad.. dont be sad or regretful.. be happy that you tried.. be thankful that you did.. and most importantly.. remember your wrongs and make sure its not repeated..

on that note.. if you know something is lacking in you.. it may be courage.. self-confidence.. or if you know something is wrong with you.. lack of patience.. attitude prob.. there's no harm in admitting your wrongs.. in fact admitting your wrongs is the very first and most important step in changing for the better.. because when u realize something about yourself truely, the more aware of it, and naturally you'll unknowingly place priority and importance in that "wrong" of yours.. and change it as time passes.. never change for the sake of the people around you.. you change for the sake of yourself.. the happiness of everyone around you when u change for the better.. the happiness in yourself.. spiritually,mentally,emotionally.. are just things that will come naturally if all goes well..

Thursday, February 24, 2005 . 2:58 PM

This is a rubbish blog post. Why? Coz i decided to type www.blogger.com in my IE and come here. Den i decided to type in my username and password.. My username is blah.. Password is.. 2195743.. Go try go try.. hack mah acct.. Bleahx.

Ok i'm done with the rubbish. Off to lesson. -Gones-

Wednesday, February 23, 2005 . 10:38 PM

mixed emotions..

i got a draft of stuff.. feelings.. views.. comments.. but i deleted it already.. dont think i need to post it anymore.. coz yes i dont care le.. since wat i say has no effect.. but the same words.. said by another person.. got gd effect.. but i'm happy that ur feeling better.. and ming.. gd thing i asked u to approach her.. i knew u could do it.. i thank you too.. you did very well.. greatly greatly appreciate it.. thank you brother.. i'll step aside nw.. and i dont think i'll say anything more here le.. end of the whole story le.. -the end-

i listen to one song nw.. which someone 'dedicated' to me a loooong time ago.. just by letting me listen to a particular song in her discman.. and a flashback just occured.. that exact scenario.. the exact feelings.. but no worries.. it was a sweet memory.. and i treasure it..

a friend of mine just had a broken relationship.. and he's goin thru exactly.. feeling exactly.. thinking exactly as wat i were during november last yr.. i can fully understand the reason for his every move.. but i couldnt say anything to console him.. i noe i shld hav tried.. but i think back on how i was.. and realli.. when a guy is like that.. almost nth u say can help.. the only good solution is to let him be.. and he'll cool down himself.. i dont think he'll ever read this.. but to my mei.. yea thats the reason why i was quiet and letting u and jas do the talking.. guess thats me.. i'll forever be unable to show enuff care and concern..

Monday, February 21, 2005 . 11:58 PM

very long post ahead.. only for u.. but yea obviously if i put it here.. all can read.. no particular reason.. but its the only gd method i can think of.. coz no way to contact u while u mia..

i noe u'll read this sooner or later.. mayb ur thinkin.. why was i so direct all of a sudden.. u said u shld go mia to solve everything.. and my response was very direct.. i'm sure u noe long time ago i told u.. mia wont solve problems.. but cause more.. dont deceive urself.. u KNOW its causing more probs.. even if the 2 of us dont worry about u.. all ur friends will.. u think its worth it?? u think when u come back from mia things will be solved?? u said it urself.. u used to cut ur hair when ur unhappy.. and even that did nothing now.. coz dis is not a small matter which u can forget or run away from just by mia-ing..

yes i'm saying alot of bad stuff now.. yes i'm being direct and telling u straight to the point.. no hinting.. yes u will feel angry at me probably for saying all these.. yes our bond might be harmed after i say all these.. u might hate me.. u might be even more determined not to come back.. but think why i did so?? not cause i dont care abt ur feelings.. not cause i dont giv a damn abt this anymore.. but the total opposite.. its because i care alot.. its because i'm worried..

i noe u expected some form of consoling.. some form of nice words to come from me at that point.. i understand how you feel being sandwiched.. i understand your stress over whether u shld make a decision or not.. but you have to understand too when i say what i've said and what i'm about to say.. if you dont want pple to make bad comments about what your doing (you know what comment it is).. then resolve the problem as quick as possible.. and i dont mean going mia.. coz like i mentioned.. thats running away from the problem.. not solving it.. unless u are mia-ing for the sake of thinking things.. but if u mia just for the sake of running away or just coz u feel whatever u do causes more grief.. more harm.. more sadness/confusion/jealousy.. then i strongly advise another method..

i never pushed u to make the decision.. coz firstly.. things like this cant be rushed.. and in rare situations like this.. u nd to do more thinking.. guys do the wooing.. girls make the decision.. sad to say thats the way the world goes.. dont think abt the excessive details.. coz it'll only make u more confused.. and afraid.. which is what u are feeling now.. of course there may be some details which i left out coz guys will surely think abit differently from girls..

my ending note to u.. what was said in this post.. are mostly direct.. no hidden hints.. no hidden meanings.. the only very indirect stuff are those which are unpleasant to put in blog.. i hope no misunderstands will be there.. i noe u might not be able to absorb all my points.. i understand u are a sensitive girl and might come to the wrong conclusions.. but i just felt i needed to put some stuff here for u to read.. since i got no better way of telling u these..(still hope u reading dis though).. do read it over afew times.. coz its an impt post.. to me at least.. =/

and.. about that frenster bulletin.. i already saw it when u first posted it on frenster.. coz i was realli worried.. den tried to see for any traces of activeness during u mia.. so i got login frenster see oso.. and yea u noe why i mention frenster.. is coz of that bulletin on "when a gal criess".. which.. coincidentally i thought abt wat happened on friday nite when i sent u home.. u mentioned in ur blog it was part true.. though i cant pinpoint which parts are true.. but i can guess some of them.. i dont know to be happy about it or sad about it.. but if i'm happy.. its only coz of my feelings for u.. so thats kinda selfish.. gave it a little thought that nite.. and realized deep down i was sad.. coz i noe u reali couldnt take it anymore.. i gave u something at ur lift b4 u went up.. at that point i hoped that could cheer u up abit.. but as of just now.. i think i just hurt u again wif my direct-ness.. in life.. the truth always hurts.. but. i'm sorry if i were too direct abt the mia thing.. as much as what i've said above is what i feel.. at de same time i also feel sorry abt it.. hope u undersand what i mean.. and how i feel.. rem i said time will clear things.. no matter wat time will reveal all answers.. and it will..

You Are 19 Years Old

19 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Sunday, February 20, 2005 . 11:36 PM

just out from a bath.. first bath since saturday morning after dat.. lousy.. mahjong session.. but nvm nvr play real $ oso.. mei commented izit coz i noe my luck tts y i nvr gamble.. well.. as a matter of fact.. ya i do noe my luck.. its gd when i dont gamble.. and fucked up when i do.. even if its fake gamble.. mei shld believe ba.. dat mj session can tell le..

unfortunately.. the whole of saturday.. and sunday.. was very lousy.. coz i was very very worried abt her.. worried that she might not eat.. or do silly things.. due to dat unpleasant but inevitable topic.. i dont know what to say.. i dont know what to do.. i just hope wateva i said on friday nite and all de sms-es i sent was correct.. if there is anything that has to be done.. someone.. God.. whoeva.. please tell me.. and i'll do it.. i was still in an optimistic mood yesterday.. but i'm getting more confused as i come across certain things.. i lost my mood again.. i lost certain appetite again.. and nw i'm even losing mood to go to sch.. coz i cant think of anything else but her.. am i realli worried for her.. or am i just very very afraid of "losing" her.. regardless of which.. one fact remains.. my feelings for her are there.. i got alot to say.. but as of nw i dont noe wat to type anymore.. either its coz i've got too much until it all jams up and i end up talking rubbish and talking in unorganised points.. and reading what i typed.. i'll always get the feeling that whateva i typed might cause misunderstandings.. due to the "messyness".. mayb i'll stop for nw..

i notice i always put stuff in here.. yet keep alot of sensitive details out from here.. not coz i want to hide stuff.. if i realli wanted to hide i wouldnt even have blogged abt any unpleasant stuff at all.. perhaps when i dont fully say everything.. its just coz i prefer to talk to someone abt it rather den type everything out here.. coz i nd comments.. i nd views.. i nd advice.. as we all do.. but again i feel i'm selfish.. or is it just fated in a sense.. that the few of us who hav great problems which cause us to wan to go and just die and leave the world.. are also the only people who can console each other and help each other out.. i think if these "few" are reading this.. u'll noe who u are..

special note to nette mei: i read ur blog abt u not being able to chat abt ur life.. u noe wat i mean.. well.. u never realli looked me up for a chat.. so if ur ready to look me up for a chat.. pls do.. i'll always have time to lend a listening ear.. =) even though i nd one to listen to me too though.. =/

*oRhx oRhx le..*

Saturday, February 19, 2005 . 8:25 AM

Just home.. from a mahjong session.. lost abt.. $14+.. and de other 3 all overall profit.. loLs.. mayb coz i didnt play seriously.. kept thinking and worrying abt dar.. mayb for those who read her blog le.. shld noe roughly y..

for once. ur mia is supported by me. i too felt u need to have some time alone. and mayb calm down. sort thoughts out. rem wat i said kies. u can find pple to tok to if u wish. it'll help alot.

i very stoned nw.. sigh.. i'll go slp nw.. wish i can find her in lalaland just like how keana reaves went to.. erm.. hell??.. to find isabelle.. but of course not wif a burning scenario.. lalaland is very beautiful de.. *imagines disneyland cartoons dat type..* nites..

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 . 12:54 AM

java lab.. did abit of stuff.. abit.. haha.. guess de rest gotta complete on friday..

after class.. nua at cyber center again.. until arn.. 2+ or 3+.. den left to mit dar at her hse.. den went ps.. coz i wanted play kbm.. end up reach there.. the kbm machine off.. tmd nehneh kuku.. den i had dis .. erm.. urge.. to watch movie.. so we thought for awhile.. den decide on I do I do.. haha.. gd movie.. gd laughs.. but if u not a fan of local singaporean jokes.. or find it lame.. den i suggest u dun watch. and go migrate elsewhere while ur at it. [/sarcasm]

den after movie.. went river hongbao le.. coz dar was realli wanting to go.. even if just walk one round.. so that was the purpose i asked her out 2dae oso.. haha realli walk one round.. back and forth.. but got see some nice stuff ba.. dis china fella.. draw colorful paintings which is actualli chinese proverbs.. very artistic.. such great talent.. =/..

after dat.. ate at de hans nearby.. at marina square de.. come to think of it.. heng didnt go to suntec to eat.. coz by de time she reached home.. just nice 10pm.. still abit reasonable time to her parents.. if went suntec.. sure later de.. kinda heng bahz..

feelin tired nw.. *orhx time*

Tuesday, February 15, 2005 . 11:45 PM

din go sch for mon and tues.. so.. 2dae had a gd slp.. well.. 1)mayb coz i was just plain tired.. and weather not so hot.. so my bed comfortable to slp.. den slp longlong... 2)coz i heard something nice.. and somehow very soothing to the heart ytd..

but.. i didnt tell parents i din go sch.. so i just bluff dem my class at 1pm.. den i just nua at cyber center.. den father told me to eat dinner outside.. last minute... den i was like omfg.. coz i skipped lunch.. if i skip dinner.. jialat le.. though its been done b4.. but i just didnt wan to spoil my day so easily like that.. erm.. den guess abit fated ba.. dar supposed to mit her fren go 85 eat bak chor mee.. end up cancel.. so.. i offered to go her hse there eat.. at least can make sure she eat.. and i oso got pple pei me eat.. and oso can get to see her.. and she oso wun hav to travel much.. but ended up she suggest we still go 85 eat.. i say dowan but she say nbm.. so i agree nohx..

met up at bedok inter.. waiting for bus14 halfway le.. den she suddenly rem abt the new jap food(erm 4got the restaurant name) beri cheap and gd.. long time ago say wan try but haven try.. so we go try nohx.. de food is realli cheap.. well.. erm.. reasonable price ba.. and quite nice.. den after dat.. gaigai awhile.. saw dis artist drawing a small meimei.. erm.. dar say the drawing look more cute den the actual.. -___-".. evil.. but i like.. loLs~!~..

at home nw.. stressing over java project..

Sunday, February 13, 2005 . 3:04 AM

very very bad day 2dae.. so far no one blogged abt it.. its a gd thing anyway.. no one wants to bring it up.. but that doesnt mean i wanna bring it up.. i just nd to put some stuff here which i think i didnt hav a chance, or didnt make the chance.. to say it out..

firstly.. i'm not worked up over the movie issue.. never was.. i dont get uptight over such things. not the first time anyway.. so its more of a "its ok.. lets find other stuff to do" kinda attitude for me.. the only difference today was.. i had a mood swing even before everything started falling apart.. which meant.. my emotions were already unstable.. i was already down.. watchin a movie would make me happier.. but no movie wouldnt make me unhappier.. just thought i'd make that point clear first..

2ndly.. had a talk wif ber.. thx alot ger.. u've been a great help.. i think i would hav went mia. or did some very drastic things which is unlike me.. if not for u calming me down and givin advice.. i think things would hav gotten worse..

3rdly.. dar.. i msned u before going into A3.. coz i waited for ur reply.. but u nvr reply.. so i guessed u were in there.. spent quite abit of time trying to add u into fren list.. coz it was case sensitive. -.-" but.. i couldnt possibly talk to u ingame abt serious matters rite.. i dont noe if u saw my msn msg.. but i realli needed to talk to u.. and clear things up.. at least let u noe wat was going thru my mind.. u didnt sleep very earli.. knowing u werent feeling well.. and still nd wake earli.. but.. i wont say much here abt that.. over the phone told u b4 le..

ber will b organising another movie outing.. i'll be helping her on this one.. guys.. lets make sure this one doesnt go wrong.. we all learn from mistakes.. lets all make it a gd lesson shall we.. i'm not gonna slp after this.. cant slp.. i still hav half a container of porridge to finish.. which i've been eating since hours ago.. realli no appetite ever since my mood swing.. but eat finish le.. my heart is still.. sad.. and angry at myself.. cant slp.. well.. *gones*

Saturday, February 12, 2005 . 3:57 AM

at ber's hse nw.. some playin cards.. some playin mahjong.. but all got play $$ so i nvr join in.. i dun gamble.. ming and teck in ber's bro's room.. shld b goin in soon to join dem.. coz ber's mom slpin in her room(which is the one i'm usin this com at..) i tot she got WC3 for me to play.. but dun hav.. so i jux thought i'd do a little bloggin since i'm here..

2dae.. yea like i mentioned.. went to kenny ho's hse.. den followed by calvin's hse.. den super long delay.. reach ber's hse at TWO in the MORNING.. yes 2am.. and i told dar we'd be coming back to this area when the bus went past ber's hse.. sorry dar u din get to go ber's hse.. =(

but anyway.. too lazy to blog all the details.. overall its a fun day.. just as the past few days hav been.. but.. amidst all these happiness.. something left me very hurt.. realli realli hurt.. mayb because as usual even a small small wish of mine cant come tru.. or mayb because of my own feelings.. emotions got in the way.. so hence.. very hurt.. but i guess it oli shows hw true my feelings are ba.. if not wun get hurt le..

eyes gettin very blurry nw.. coz of de smoke.. make it even worse.. i and ming and teck same same pattern nw.. resident evil 4 le.. loLs.. anyway tink dats all i hav to say for nw.. dar is slpin nw.. wish her sweet dreams.. hav lotsa fun in lalaland.com loLs.. hope she rem wat i reminded her b4 she went to slp.. nth in particular.. just some stuff that i'm very very concerned abt.. *go nua le* bb all..

Friday, February 11, 2005 . 12:50 PM

gooong xi goooong xi gooong xi ni... ops.. didnt noe wat to start off.. wanted to start off wif a CNY greeting.. dats de first tune dat came into my mind.. anyways.. just back not too long ago from chalet.. and nw goin out again.. OMFG.. oli abt 4hrs slp i tink.. and nw another full day outing le..

ytd.. supposed to mit arn 2+ den go kenny tan's hse.. end up.. coz alot of places to go.. plus delay here delay there.. end up 6+ 7+ den go his house.. b4 that the guys went to mervin hse.. den nut's house ..which i and dar didnt join.. coz i was too nua and tired.. den she force me go teck hse.. say wan come pick me up.. tts y end up she at my hse nua til 5+.. both of us waiting for them 2 finish bai nian at nut hse.. den all met up at teck hse.. next was.. kenny's hse le.. sorry kenny.. didnt stay too long at ur hse oso.. bo pian.. actuali everyone's hse oso didnt stay long.. so look on bright side kies.. hope u readin dis post.. den nx.. went to chalet.. erm.. last minute thing.. empty chalet.. why not.. XD..

so.. nw.. going off le.. kenny ho's hse.. den later in de day.. ber's hse.. i got sudden feeling for fba nite pack.. duno if de rest will onz anot.. anyways.. will blog again 2molo. cya'll peeps.. *rush to century coz the guys are waiting for me LMAO*

Wednesday, February 09, 2005 . 2:32 AM

Happy CNY to all~ Here's wishing all you guys a prosperous New Year (starting off wif many ang bao of course haha). Hrm. 2dae did nth much. Woke up at 8.15am. Rushed to sch for my tut at 9am, which is SUPPOSED to be 9-12.. But it lasted 1hr nia. So.. 10am i'm free le.. TMD.. Den no choice hav to nua at cyber center for awhile.. Til arn 12.. Coz if i go home too earli.. Father ask so many qn.. Why come back so earli? Why can finish lesson earli one? Sure anot? Blahblahblah.. Yakkiky yak.. TMD NOISY.. So.. seng ki lai.. Dun go home earli sua.. Save my white brain cells from dying from the irritating-ness.. At home le.. Settled down.. Took a nap soon.. coz sudden mood swing.. coz began to think of stuff.. Woke up.. didnt feel better at all.. Anyway went for reunion dinner.. During dinner and after that.. kept sms-in dar oso. Haha. Hmm. Went home arn 10+.. Den continue to tok wif dar.. Accidentally brought up an unpleasant topic.. Duno why i felt hurt abt it.. Mayb coz i noe she's hurt abt it.. So i'm hurt too.. Anyways.. Managed to cheer her up (i think?) wif my lousy abilities.. Bwahaha.. Den msn sot tio.. both i and her DC.. cant sign back in.. Even at this point my msn is retrying and retrying and retrying.. *looks at corner msn icon*.. Yup its retrying.. Cant go in.. Dar slpin le.. I'm goin soon.. 2molo whole day of visiting.. Kinda boring actualli.. Only thing i'm lookin 4ward to is.. Yes DUH.. ANG BAO~!~!~!!!~~~!~~~.. But. I noe most relatives oso juggling financial stuff.. Might not get fat fat big big angbao.. But I praying for.. Erm.. $100 at least? Kinda hard.. only 1day of visiting.. Nbm.. I praying harder for my dar den for myself.. She kinda nds de cash.. Looking 4ward.. To Thurs.. and Fri.. Going to kenny's and ber's house respectively.. Duno if Thurs got my house in de plan anot.. But i'll see hw ba..

Oh yea.. And I wanna learn CanonInD!!! Yes yes on real piano.. Not game.. -.-.. Duno y got dis sudden inspiration.. But lets hope i can learn.. Okies.. enuff bloggin.. *goes to slp*

Monday, February 07, 2005 . 1:41 AM

went out for a short nuaing sesson wif same guys again.. actuali is kinda last minute oso.. but not so bad ba.. same stuff.. nuaed at arcade.. i say wan save money.. end up still play drum once.. but heng oli once.. not the normal twice.. heh.. ate dinner wif de guys.. started the wc3 session arn 9+ to 11+.. den go home le..

during dinner.. a fren told me some stuff.. abt a certain situation.. and it got me thinking abt myself. my own character.. certain something abt myself which i failed to realize all these while.. it is this flaw.. which caused me sadness at some time ago.. it is this same flaw.. that is popping out again.. and i didnt realize how serious it is.. until 2dae.. although its been mentioned b4.. twice.. but 2dae.. 3rd time.. and suddenly it just hit me on the head.. awake le.. no longer in denial.. haiz.. i just hope its not too late..

dont worrie too much abt me dar.. this is something i'm unhappy abt.. myself.. nth to do wif u.. or anyone around me.. its my own character.. got something bad.. so i nd to change it.. to be a better person.. but i'll b happy.. coz i'll keep thinkin of u.. u r my inspiration to change.. though i didnt tell u abt this hence u may not b able to help much verbally.. but i think mentally u're a great help le.. =) wish i could be that helpful abt the earlier problem u had.. haiz..

going to CMPB 2molo.. defer NS again.. from last wk say wan go til nw haven go.. omg.. duno if dar will pei me ma.. on one side i dowan her waste transport $.. but my heart wants to meet her.. loLs.. i'm contradicting myself.. tmd.. anyways.. nitez all..

Saturday, February 05, 2005 . 6:59 PM

hrmm.. due to seldom blogging.. sorry if all the posts seem like composition.. but bo pian.. i wanna describe as brief, yet include details to the best as i can.. coz i wanna keep it as memories.. be it gd or bad..

on another note.. changed song to this.. very meaningful song.. started wif tianming using it first as a dedication song.. but really.. this song very gd for such purpose.. so guys.. whoever's visiting my blog.. take some time to listen.. it'll surely bring back memories.. probably sadness.. but thats not the reason why i put this song.. its a nice song nonetheless i'm sure all will agree..

hrmm.. and.. my blog.. wootz just went past the 3k mark.. amt of visitors dat is.. wows.. but actuali i think is just the regular pple visiting again and again.. wahahha.. gd oso.. XD.. see de number abit shiok though.. *sot le*

life's been simple this week.. but how complicated can sch life be.. haha.. i'm lookin 4ward to CNY.. ANG BAO~~~~ LAI LAI LAI~~~ XD.. no sch on monday.. tues go visiting. wed go visiting.. thurs go kenny hse.. fri go ber hse.. *pray i can get many many ang bao*.. wows i just realized nx week everyday got something gd.. k3wL~.. ytd went out wif ber, ming, hen, calvin, teck, nut, kenny, angeline.. arn 9+ go pavilion pak canteen wars.. but kenny and angeline didnt join us.. so de rest of us.. 7 pple lan.. shiok-ness.. =p reached home arn 11+.. played awhile more.. and slpt arn 1+.. coz too tired le..

Tuesday, February 01, 2005 . 10:01 PM

Okayz.. my BBL abit long.. almost 12hrs later.. actuali is nearly forgot to blog wahah.. was gonna off monitor and KO liaoz.. damn tired..

hrm..main point of 2dae..went for dinner wif family and relatives..eat at a thai restaurant.. A-Roy Thai.. that restaurant is my father de gd fren own de..so we gort 10% discount.. eh alot liaoz.. from $270 become.. erm.. minus 10% off lor u all do de math ba.. bart.. thai food rox.. must noe hw to enjoy la though.. anyway.. who said thai food had to be spicy.. yes correct thai specializes in spicy food.. but the cuisine itself is wonderful.. the authentic dishes.. eHH.. i machiam advert for them.. aiya NICE food tio liao.. XD its been like 245623462345 years since i last went there to eat.. coz i was young.. family still no financial prob yet.. SIGHs.. YET is the keyword.. SIGHs..

ok.. last nite.. erm.. had a little serious conversation suddenly.. though it wasnt the first time.. but i hope it caused some thinking to take place.. i noe i did..i feel much more light hearted compared to some time ago.. but in any situation.. time will sort things out.. the last time i realli hoped for this.. time realli sorted things out.. the NEXT day.. and it was the end of certain happiness.. jitao -.-" but the past has made me learn from mistakes, and also made me learn to use my inner strength.. somehow i'm happier after that conversation.. though i tink i'm de only one who rem wat was said.. abit -.-".. happy but no one noes why i'm happy.. tmd ironic.. no one noes why i'm sad.. but now i'm happy.. no one noes oso? loL?? cool shit. though i'm scared that happiness can be shattered just wif a single word. or a sentence. or a particular sight. happened not once. not twice. but many times. though not as serious as a major heartbreak. but scratches in the heart at least. omg nw i duno wat the hell i'm tokin. read back this whole paragraph. no sense at all. k i tink i betta go slp le.

*wishing for a happy day..* a specific day.. will it come true? i doubt so..

First time i'm actualli bloggin b4 i go sch.. even though its a short post.. coz normally i either no time (correct ma..wake up prep go sch le).. or coz didnt hav the impulse to do so.. unlike nw.. i hav no time. but got impulse to do so..

anyway.. lotsa things goin thru my mind.. just wanna make dis short post so that i'll remind myself to post abt them later.. when i get back frm sch.. supposed to go CMPB.. but i tink i shift one more day.. not procrasinating.. is realli no time.. got dinner -.-".. anyway.. go sch le.. erm.. BRB? BBL? loLs..